Derrick -- This is where I attempt to give more than 140 Characteristics worth of words and thoughts and other uncool crap alike. Plus stupid feelings nonsense.
"Every writer I know has trouble writing" - Joseph Heller
I truly wish I could somehow explain the amount of hate and spite in my heart these days. I doubt it’s healthy, no matter how much water I drink, no matter how much I exercise. Not quite sure how it’s gotten to this level, but it’s here. I’m upset, I’m hurt. I’ve fallen again and not sure if getting up is even an option right now. I’m in this deep, narrow hole, sitting with my arms wrapped around my knees as my chin is tucked away simmering at life and it’s curve balls.
At the same time, I can see the light at the top. I can see a hand by someone — the only person right now — who can help me out this deep, dark and damp pit of despair, hate and spitefulness to a beautiful pasture of pure bliss. I see it, however, I don’t believe it. I feel it’s an elusion as if I’m in the desert hours away from collapsing — it’s not real, it can’t be; it’s too good to be true. I just wan…
And to think, I only came on here to change my password.
Posted on 11 April, 2014
Tagged #364 Posted on 27 March, 2014
Really did spend roughly 20 minutes last night trying to remember the name of my bracket, which I made into an acronym of an emo-ass sentence and still, as I’m typing this now, not 100% sure what it is. Un-fucking-believable. More mystifying than me getting 32/48 of my picks correct is me unable to remember the bracket’s goddamn name. This is what I get for making it about someone I’ve spent the last 2 and a half years two-step plotting with because A) I’m too afraid of commitment and B) doubt this is even in the slightest bit plausible under my damaged umbrella psyche known as logic.
But my Final Four survived the first weekend, so that’s what counts. And I start this tomorrow.
Posted on 25 March, 2014
Posted on 19 March, 2014
An old enemy returned. One from my childhood whom had the audacity to stick its ugly head out from sewer with its perfect teeth smirking at me. No, it wasn’t the old rival who seemingly never dies in the San Antonio Spurs who blitzkrieg my lottery-bound Lakers tonight, but an old foe everyone, no matter if they’re 7 or 77, who’ve had run-ins with—— the dentist.
We haven’t seen each other in years, and I mean YEARS. If we’re keeping track, eight, to be exact. Of course, non-orthodontist get-togethers doesn’t count. But I haven’t been to a real dentist since before my cock-blocking braces partially ruined my adolescent years (just being weird and awkward is the another reason). So, I was surprised all week when known of the date with destiny did not have my nerves haunting me every chance it got. Oh, I know why, because I’m stressed about something else stemming from something more south of my body structure, between the stomach and the neck. But it wasn’t until I was in the chair (albeit X-Ray chair) that all the old nerves, worries and utter resentment came rushing back.
I knew the news wasn’t good, didn’t need to play dental musical chair to figure out I had an extra massive hole in the back of my mouth food had to be going down. I just didn’t know how bad — I had not one, not two, not three, not four, but EIGHT (8; yes, the sideways infinity sign) goddamn cavities PLUS needed a root canal. The epitome of unreal. I’ve had only two small cavities up until getting my braces in high school, I knew of people who had 12 billion cavities thanks to their addictions of sugared delights (hard and soft), I never thought I’d be just like them one day. I’m already planning on attempt to somehow NOT intake sugar again. But it actually makes some sense, I look at it as a cavity for every year away, and one major present to represent the entire hiatus, which begun to fix today, and will continue next week, as being the reason I’ll be taking Ibuprofen and Amoxicillin for the next several days.
However, though learning of what needed to be done, the 5 minute wait after the final decision to start immediately, the hot dental assistant who drew the unlucky straw of cleaning teeth, and, you know, the fucking shots that sent me into flashback city, it wasn’t that bad. Not bad to see and old enemy return well into your adulthood to attempt old tricks on you. But they don’t work as much now as they do at 10 and 11. I have new things to absolutely mortify me: untreatable obsessions for the opposite sex. While waiting for my prescription in Albertsons, still drugged up and not feeling parts of my face, I migrated into their flower section looking for flower ideas for someone. That’s an enemy for my early 20s, and by telling how stressed I’ve been the last two weeks, a worthy superior enemy to my childhood’s.
Posted on 15 March, 2014
Tagged #Kobe9 Posted on 13 March, 2014
Posted on 10 February, 2014
I can already see Friday being potential trouble from a mile away. No. Not a mile away, more like five rest stops and one outlet mall away. What’s going to end up happening is I’ll get up early like normally to go to the gym, but instead of knocking out my Nike Fuelband daily goal early, I run through the Left Behind DLC before work. Even though it’s only two hours long, it’ll surely leave me at least a third as emotional as The Last of Us' major campaign did, leaving me really vulnerable upon arriving at work to actually do this stupid, thoughtful, semi-genius, semi-corny VDay 75-foot heave I've been pondering doing all week. Why must the V-Day Season force be so strong this year while I've been so weak?
Oh yeah. I can see the destruction from here.
Posted on 8 February, 2014
Not sure what to do right now: catch up on these Modern Family episodes sitting on Aja Mac because I refuse give that channel — ABC — ratings from me for canceling Happy Endings in protest (When NBA games aren’t on), continue to lay here with shuffle taking advantage of me, go watch this long ass Janice Griffith video, finish this letter for this girl I started last night (Not necessarily a love letter, by the way….), further do research on grasswheat extract (don’t ask), run through the articles in my reading list, or simply get ready to take myself to bed early by turning on Jhené’s Sail Out — like I’ve done basically every night for two weeks — so I can be at the gym earlier than 8am like most days. [Turns on Jhené]
Posted on 29 January, 2014
You don’t know millennial Internet problems until you find this female who is entertaining, clever and funny (Not to mention hot) when limited to 140 characteristics or less and turns out to be a writer just like yourself which leads to you being interested in reading her work only to learn she owns a blog where she critiques dick pictures from her submissions inbox. Basically. I mean, I’m really interested in reading her stuff, however, I just doubt I have sites filled with random guys’ junk in place of the random female celeb Instagram profiles in my bookmarks and want to go through a blog with penises all up and through. And even if I do decide to say fuck it and read her boner blog, what time a day would I read it without it being weird? At night? During broad daylight? On holidays? I feel like at night would be worst. Or am I simply being dramatic given the amount of non-lesbian porn I’ve seen in my life?
Posted on 20 January, 2014